Wine Puns: If you are going through a bad phase, drink wine. If you are celebrating success, drink wine. Had a break? Drink wine. Literally, wine is the solution of every problem according to wine lovers. But there is one thing we all must admit, wine can really set up mood to celebrate any occasion with utmost frisk and zing. Not only wine but also wine related puns can amp up your mood if you go through them all. We have rounded up the finest wine puns that you would love to savor again and again.
Funny Wine Puns
How to say shut up to a wine? Sip (zip) it!
I feel like I am on cloud wine (nine).
This effigy is still in a wine (pristine) condition.
I feel wine (divine) vibes in this temple.
Today, I feel so grape (great) and full of energy!
Where does all the wines hold their meetings? Vineyard!
Let’s wine (dine) together and thank god for being with us!
What’s the time happening? It’s wine (nine) o clock.
Why wine can’t see anything? It lost glasses.
Can you (wine) define the meaning of this world?
Why does she wine (whine) all the time inspite of having everything.
How dare you grape (grope) me in front of everyone!
You are all wine (mine)!
Don’t you dare to cross the wine (line) if you want to live.
You should pay attention to all the road wines (signs).
Don’t worry, I am completely wine (fine).
He is the man with the wine (spine) of titanium.
Let’s visit the wine (shrine) of the greatest of all.
Have you ever seen a wine (pine) plant?
Grape (great) minds always think way ahead of time.
What do you call an Italian wine with a sexy name? Chateau Margaux.
Why white wine is boycotted by everyone? Because of being racist.
One day you will definitely rise and wine (shine).
If you don’t change your habits, I’ll wine (confine) you.
I will wine (decline) anything that questions my character.
Would you please stand wine (in line)?
Wine (Levi) Strauss creates the best rugged jeans.
I am going to impose a heavy wine (fine) on you.
You are the only wine (one) I want in my life.
I immediately wine (resign) from this position.
Stay away from people who wine-tonly (wantonly) do everything.
Sip (shit) happens with everyone.
Everyone shouted sip sip hooray at the end of the trip!
If you get the chance, shoot him from Pinot Blanc (Point Blank).
I wish to visit Muscat one day.
You will definitely see me Riesling (rising) one day.
Wine day or day wine.
The incident that happened yesterday was quite Barbera-ic (barbaric).
You can also use Grenache (Granite) to have a fine floor.
We are definitely partners in wine (crime).
Computer understands the wine-ary (binary) language.
Be aware of wines (mines) when going through jungle.
What’s vampires most favorite drink? Red Wine.
Dopa-wine (dopamine) is the chemical responsible for inducing happy vibes.
Let’s com-wine (combine) these two formulas and derive the result.
If you have merlot, you can impress all the Italian woman in the world.
You must consult some wine-ocologist (gynaecologist) if you have female related problems.
I believe today is going to be wine-derful (wonderful) day for all of us.
Pour some love on your fellow beings.
Just knock the pour (door), somebody will definitely answer.
Lemons are always pour (sour) in taste.
I say, wine (why) not?
I may wine (whine) but I never complain.
I have become old. I need some glasses (of wine).
Sun-wine (sunshine) is one of the best six natural doctors.
I have never seen a person as wine-less (spineless) as you are.
What do you call a drunk wolverine? Wolver-wine
When a wine love achieves something, it’s called wine-stone not milestone.
One of the most important types of teeth are can-wine (canine).
The best way to save water is to drink more wine.
Give me a wine (dime) and I’ll show you how to build anything.
Sip (dip) it into the cold water and the stain will be gone.
Only wine ages fine. You’ll turn to vinegar.
The more flou-wine (florine) water contains, the nastier it is for health.
Let’s wine (wind) up everything from here.
Which place is the holiest for wine lovers? Napa Valley.
I serious need some Napa after drinking so much wine!
The most powerful people usually keep merlot profile.
You are in a great grape (shape).
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Spilling old wines should be declared as a heinous crime.
I’m very grapeful to be sharing these puns with you.
These puns will have you wine-ing with laughter!
What do you call expensive wine that’s spoiled? A bad in-wine-stment!
That wine glass is looking very full, it must have high wine-acity.
I heard the vineyard got some new vines. I guess they needed to vine things up a bit!
The wine festival had too many drunk guests. It was very uncivilized.
The wine tasted a little off. I think it may have vine-egar in it.
I read that article on wine making twice. It was very in-forming.
The vineyard had to fire a bunch of workers recently. Too much wine-ing I guess.
I only drink wine on days that end in Y.
The wine glass broke into shards. It met an untimely de-vine.
My friend got drunk and fell into a wine barrel. It was an accident, don’t wine about it!
That cheap wine gives me a wine-grain headache every time.
I ordered red wine, but they brought me white. What a mix-wine-up!
The wine tasting got a little crazy. It turned into a party! Wine not?
My favorite pastime is wine-ing down after a long day.
After the third glass I was feeling vine, on the fourth feeling divine!
I made reservation at the vine-yard restaurant months ago!
The vineyard had a big storm, I hope the vines are o-wine!
I heard they just hired a new wine steward, he comes very vine recommended.
I only drink the finest wine, nothing but the best vine for me!
The vineyard tour was in-vine-orating! I learned so much about wine making.
I accidentally dropped a very expensive bottle of wine. What a waste of good wine!
The vineyard was struggling, but business has slowly started wine-ing up again.
My friend got too drunk last night, he definitely went past his wine limits.
I got so drunk last night I forgot to pay, the bartender said it was fine just wine next time!
After the third glass I was beyond re-wine-ed. No more for me thanks!
I ordered the cheapest wine on the menu. I’m not made of money, wine should I spend more!
Wine tasting sessions are always so fun, I just wine to try them all!
The wine had an oaky flavor with hints of blackberry. A very divine wine indeed!
I drank way too much wine last night while watching reality TV. It was a Real Wine Housewives kinda night!
They say write drunk, edit sober. So I’m drinking this fine wine before I start writing!
I’m no wine-o, I just like tasty, affordable wines!
The vineyard had to hire more workers to handle the fall wine-tage.
I drink wine not to get drunk, but because I vine to taste and enjoy it!
The wine tasting boasted rare and vintage wines. It was very re-wine-ding.
I dropped a whole case of wine bottles on my way out of the store. Talk about a wine wreck!
My friend got drunk and danced on a table, it caused quite the wine-ding scene!
The vineyard used music to help the grapes grow, it was a wine harmonious idea!
Hilarious Wine Jokes
Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice!
What’s a wine’s favorite type of music? Riesling and dancing!
How do you organize a fantastic party? You just “wine” it!
What do you call a bear that loves Chardonnay? A “bearlcoholic”!
Why was the wine bottle upset? It wasn’t allowed to “vent” its feelings!
What’s a wine’s favorite type of footwear? Pinot Noir boots!
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little “whine”!
Why was the grape mad at the grapevine? It was spreading rumors!
How does a wine lover answer the phone? “Merlot” there, how can I help you?
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What do you call a wine that’s well-mannered? “Riesling-able”!
Why did the wine need therapy? It had too many “bottle”ed up emotions!
What do you call a wine that you accidentally spill on your shirt? A “stain-ful” experience!
What did the grape say when it was crushed? “Nothing to wine about!”
Why did the grape refuse to roll downhill? It didn’t want to “wine” up in a jam!
What’s a wine’s favorite movie? “The Grape Gatsby”!
How does a wine get ready for a date? It decants itself!
What do you call a wine that’s always at the gym? Muscato!
Why did the wine break up with the beer? It was tired of the “hops” and downs!
How do you make a wine laugh? You give it a “corky” joke!
What do you call a sad bottle of wine? Melancholot!
Why did the grape refuse to play cards? It was tired of being “pressed”!
What’s a wine’s favorite ride at the amusement park? The Fermentation Ferris wheel!
How do you know when it’s time to stop telling wine jokes? When they start to get too “grape”!
What do you call a group of musical grapes? The “vine” harmony!
Why did the wine go to school? It wanted to be “well-red”!
What’s a grape’s favorite TV show? “Game of Rhones”!
How did the grape know the other grape was lying? It could “wine” sense it!
What’s a wine’s favorite type of pet? A “corkscrew”!
Why did the grape go out with the raisin? Because it couldn’t find a date that wasn’t “dried” up!
What did one grape say to the other grape on Valentine’s Day? “You’re un-“wine”-able!”
Why was the grapefruit jealous of the grape? Because it had its own “wine” of friends!
What’s a wine’s favorite flower? Chardon-bouquet!
Why did the grape stop in the middle of the marathon? It lost its “wine-durance”!
What’s a wine’s favorite game? Truth or “Chardonnay”!
Why did the wine visit the dentist? It needed a little “wine”-ing!
What do you call a wine expert in a haunted house? A “spirits” medium!
How did the grape feel when it got stepped on? It was crushed!
What’s a grape’s favorite type of comedy? “Pun”gent humor!
Why did the grape go to the doctor? It was feeling “wine”ly!
What’s a wine’s favorite vacation spot? The Vineyard Islands!
How do you describe an angry bottle of wine? Ferment-mental!
What’s a wine’s favorite game to play at parties? “Spin the Bottle”!
What did the grape say to the grape stomper? “Stop stepping on my plans!”
Why did the wine go to the party alone? It couldn’t find a good “pairing”!
What do you call a wine that’s always procrastinating? A “cabernet-later”!
Why did the grape refuse to play hide and seek? It was tired of “wine”-ing all the time!
What’s a wine’s favorite mode of transportation? The Cabernet!
How do you make holy wine? You boil the “hell” out of it!
What’s a wine’s favorite type of literature? “Riesling” material!
Why did the wine go to school for so long? It wanted to get a “master’s” degree in tasting!
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Funny One Liners on Wine
I’m not a wine snob. I just think cheap wine tastes like a bike tire wrapped in a dirty sock.
I don’t know what’s more impressive, my ability to finish a bottle of wine or my ability to keep my clothes on while doing it.
I’m so bad at choosing wine, I once asked for a Pinot Noir at a bar and the bartender said, “We only have white wine.”
I’m such a lightweight, I once got drunk off of the smell of a wine cork.
I’m so classy, I drink my wine out of a sippy cup.
I’m so indecisive, I can’t even decide what color of wine to drink.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a spa day or a glass of wine. But who can afford a spa day every day?
I’m not a big fan of cooking, but I can make a mean box of wine.
I’m not sure what’s more fun, drinking wine or sharing funny wine memes with friends.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my wine collection or my ability to pronounce all of the varietals correctly.
I’m not sure what’s more important, food or wine. But I’m pretty sure I could live without food.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a warm bath or a glass of wine. But who wants to get out of a warm bath?
I’m not sure what’s more fun, drinking wine or watching people try to pronounce “Pinot Noir”.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my wine knowledge or my ability to open a bottle of wine without spilling any.
I’m not sure what’s more important, wine or friends. But I’m pretty sure I could live without friends.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a massage or a glass of wine. But who wants to be touched by a stranger?
I’m not sure what’s more fun, drinking wine or trying to guess what kind of wine it is.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my wine cellar or my ability to drink an entire case of wine in a weekend.
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I’m not sure what’s more important, wine or happiness. But I’m pretty sure I could be happy without wine.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a tropical vacation or a glass of wine. But who wants to spend all that money?
I’m not sure what’s fun, drinking wine or trying to convince people that you know what you’re talking about when it comes to wine.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my wine collection or my ability to pronounce all of the French wine regions correctly.
I’m not sure what’s more important, wine or art. But I’m pretty sure I could live without art.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a good book or a glass of wine. But who wants to strain their eyes?
I’m not sure what’s more fun, drinking wine or trying to come up with funny wine one-liners.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my wine knowledge or my ability to open a bottle of wine without using a corkscrew.
I’m not sure what’s more important, wine or money. But I’m pretty sure I could live without money.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a day at the spa or a glass of wine. But who wants to spend all that time with strangers?
I’m not sure what’s more fun, drinking wine or trying to convince people that you’re a wine expert.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my wine collection or my ability to drink an entire bottle of wine in one sitting.
I’m not sure what’s more important, wine or love. But I’m pretty sure I could live without love.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a night at the beach or a glass of wine. But who wants to deal with sand?
I’m not a wino, I’m a wine connoisseur. I can tell the difference between a $10 bottle and a $10,000 bottle. (And I’ll still buy the $10 bottle.)
I’m so glad I discovered wine. I used to think my taste buds were just boring.
I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to wine. Every time I drink it, I get a headache and my nose turns red. But I’m willing to suffer for the sake of art.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my ability to finish a whole bottle of wine, or my ability to stand up afterwards.
I’m not a wine snob. I’ll drink anything that’s cold and in a bottle.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a day at the spa or a bottle of wine. But wine is definitely cheaper.
I’m not sure why people spend so much money on wine glasses. I just use my coffee mug.
I’m not sure if I’m more afraid of public speaking or opening a bottle of wine without a corkscrew.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my ability to pair wine with food, or my ability to pronounce all the French wine names.
I’m not sure if I’m more addicted to wine or to the sound of a wine cork being pulled.
I’m not sure what’s more fun, drinking wine or reading wine labels.
I’m not sure if I’m more impressed by a wine that’s aged for 50 years or a wine that can survive being dropped on the floor.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a warm bath or a glass of wine. But wine is definitely more affordable.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my ability to tell the difference between red and white wine, or my ability to tell the difference between chardonnay and pinot grigio.
I’m not sure if I’m more addicted to wine or to the sound of a wine bottle being uncorked.
I’m not sure what’s more fun, drinking wine or talking about wine.
I’m not sure if I’m more impressed by a wine that’s aged for 100 years or a wine that tastes good even after being left in the fridge overnight.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a good book or a glass of wine. But wine is definitely more social.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my ability to tell the difference between a $20 bottle of wine and a $200 bottle of wine, or my ability to finish them both.
I’m not sure if I’m more addicted to wine or to the sound of a wine glass clinking.
I’m not sure what’s more fun, drinking wine or making wine.
I’m not sure if I’m more impressed by a wine that’s aged for 500 years or a wine that can survive being dropped on the floor and then accidentally put in the dishwasher.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a nap or a glass of wine. But wine is definitely more delicious.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my ability to tell the difference between a good wine and a bad wine, or my ability to keep my mouth shut when someone orders a glass of Merlot.
I’m not sure if I’m more addicted to wine or to the sound of a wine cork being pulled.
I’m not sure what’s more fun, drinking wine or writing about wine.
I’m not sure if I’m more impressed by a wine that’s aged for 1,000 years or a wine that can survive being dropped on the floor and then accidentally put in the washing machine.
I’m not sure what’s more relaxing, a vacation or a glass of wine. But wine is definitely shorter.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my ability to tell the difference between a Pinot Noir and a Cabernet Sauvignon, or my ability to tell the difference between a good joke and a bad joke.
I’m not sure if I’m more addicted to wine or to the sound of a wine glass clinking.
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