Moustaches have long been a source of humor and hilarity, with their bristly façades lending themselves perfectly to puns and wordplay. From the handlebar to the horseshoe, moustaches throughout history have inspired silly spins on words that never fail to tickle the funny bone. The long and short of it is that moustache puns have whiskered their way into popular culture, leaving people in stitches with their furry fun.
Whether it’s a cheeky ‘stache one-liner or an absurd analog using whiskers, moustache puns have carved out a niche in comedy. This legendary lip liner has proven itself a mane attraction when it comes to humor, as people can’t help but crack a smile at the hairy hijinks. My collection of original moustache puns covers the breadth and width of this follicle field, exploring the nuances of what makes these facial hair jokes so lip-smackingly funny. Get ready for a few fuzz-worthy zingers that will leave you bushy eyed and giggling.
Funny Moustache Puns
I moustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.
My moustache is so big, people call me the Whisker Kid.
I bought a fake moustache to wear, but it turned out to be im-posterous.
I entered my moustache in a pet competition. It won Best in Show and Hair.
My moustache is so long, I have to wear it in a ponytail. Talk about a hairy situation.
I was late to work because I was caught in a hairy jam on the highway. My boss wasn’t too thrilled about my ‘stache-related excuse.
I grew a moustache so I could have a new drinking buddy. We go on a whisky bender every weekend.
My moustache is so big, it has its own agent andmodeling career. Watch out, Magnum P.I.
I was going to shave my moustache, but it convinced me to let it stay. Now it votes on all my big life decisions.
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I entered my moustache in a strongest man competition. Sadly, it couldn’t even lift a single weight. Too bad it doesn’t have mussel.
I tried to cut my moustache shorter, but it slapped the scissors right out of my hand. Now I know not to whisker off.
My moustache is so long, I have to wrap it around my neck like a scarf when I go outside. Talk about hairy weather!
I was worried my moustache was getting too unruly, so I sent it to obedience school. Now it follows all my commands.
My moustache wanted to run for president. Its campaign slogan is “Vote for Pedro’s ‘Stache!”
I wanted to surprise my moustache for its birthday, but it’s impossible to keep secrets from it. It whiskers everything I do.
My moustache got lonely, so I bought it a puppy as a friend. They love going on walkies together.
I caught my moustache watching cat videos on Youtube. I guess it has a feline for furry friends.
My moustache loves baking whisky cake. It says the secret ingredient is a shot of Jack Daniel’s.
I wanted to enter my moustache in the World Beard and Moustache Competition, but it didn’t have the guts.
My moustache has an evil twin brother that commits hair crimes. His name? Moustermind.
My moustache is lactose intolerant, so we avoid dairy at all crunch. I should have known it doesn’t have the stom-stache for milk.
I wanted to cut my moustache shorter, but it threatened to whisker away to someone who will appreciate it more.
My moustache loves listening to pan flute music. It says the sound is whisker-soothing.
I caught my moustache wearing my makeup and jewelry. It said it just wanted to feel pretty.
My moustache wanted to be a matador, so I sent it to bullfighting school. It was afraid it would get a hoof to the face.
I wanted my moustache to get more exercise, so I signed it up for a fur-athon. It ran 26 whiskery miles!
My moustache enjoys writing haikus in its free time. Who knew it was so poetic and hair-spersed?
I wanted to surprise my moustache on its birthday, but it’s impossible to plan anything without it whiskering.
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My moustache loves baking whisker cookies. It says the secret ingredient is a spoonful of beard oil.
My moustache wanted highlights, so we went to the salon. It got caramel lowlights and looks to die fur!
I caught my moustache speaking French to impress a curly beard. It’s such a furry flirt!
My moustache loves taking bubble whiskers. It says it’s the most relaxing thing after a ruff day.
I entered my moustache in a strong man competition, but it couldn’t even lift a single weight. Too bad it doesn’t have mussel.
My moustache wanted to be a rapper, so now its stage name is “Lil Whiskers.” It’s dropping an album called “Fur Realz.”
I wanted to surprise my moustache for its birthday, but it’s impossible to keep secrets from it. It whiskers everything I do.
I caught my moustache watching telenovelas. It says it wishes it had that kind of hairy drama in its own life.
My moustache loves baking biscuits in the morning. It says the secret ingredient is a dollop of beard balm.
I entered my moustache in a bodybuilding competition, but it got disqualified for using fur-oids.
My moustache wanted a pet, so I got it a guinea pig. They love going on walks together.
I caught my moustache trying on my clothes. It said it just wanted to feel fancy and fur-bulous.
My moustache loves listening to heavy metal music and headbanging. It totally has bangin’ whiskers.
I wanted my moustache to be more cultured, so I took it to the whisker museum and opera. It loved the hairy artifacts.
My moustache enjoys curling up with a good book on rainy days. Its favorite is “The Lord of the Whiskers” trilogy.
I caught my moustache eating all the cookies. When I asked why, it said “I doughnut know!”
My moustache wanted to be an actor, so now it plays the lead role on a Spanish soap opera.
I entered my moustache in a swimming race, but it only doggy paddled across the pool. Better luck next year!
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My moustache loves taking naps out in the sun. It says the warmth makes it extra furry and frizzy.
I wanted to take my moustache on vacation, but it said it’d rather have a staycation. Now we lounge around the house in our pajamas.
I caught my moustache sneaking veggies from my plate. It swore it was the rabbit from the backyard!
My moustache wanted a makeover, so I took it to a groomer. Now it’s shaved into fun whisker art!
I entered my moustache into a strong beard competition, but it lost to Bigfoot. There’s always next year!
My moustache loves baking peanut butter fur-bies. It says the secret ingredient is a spoonful of marmalade.
I caught my moustache pretending to be a Walrus and talking to itself in the mirror. It’s so fur-iously weird.
My moustache wanted to be an artist, so I bought it some brushes and fur-y paint. Its work is quite hair-raising!
I entered my moustache into a limbo competition, but it couldn’t get under the stick. Too much fur bulk!
My moustache loves going camping and telling scary stories by the fire. Its favorite is “The Hairy, Hook-Nosed Man.”
I caught my moustache reading my diary. When I asked why, it said “I’m whisker-iously nosy!”
My moustache wanted to play baseball, so I signed it up for the local whisker league. It’s the hairy MVP.
I entered my moustache into a dancing competition, but it has two fur left feet. At least it tried!
My moustache loves singing Frank Sinatra in the shower. It thinks it has quite the smooth whiskers.
I caught my moustache stealing my spaghetti at dinner. When I asked why, it replied “Because I’m fur-bellied!”
My moustache stayed up too late binge watching shows, so now it’s super cranky and uncooperative. Bad fur day!
I entered my moustache into a strong beard competition, but it lost to a squirrel. Better luck next year, whiskers!
My moustache loves cooking up Tex Mex food. It makes the best taco meat this side of the Rio Grande!
I caught my moustache grooming itself in front of the mirror. So fur-cessive!
My moustache wanted highlights, so I took it to the salon. It got frosted whisker tips and looks paw-some!
I entered my moustache into a limbo competition, but it couldn’t get under the stick. Too much fur bulk!
My moustache wanted to feel like a superhero, so now it wears a fur-y cape around the house. Whisker Man to the rescue!
I caught my moustache dancing in front of the TV. It definitely needs to work on its fur-ky moves!
My moustache loves bubble baths with lavender epsom salts. It’s its favorite way to unwind after a hairy day.
I entered my moustache into a strong man competition, but it couldn’t even lift a single weight. Too bad it doesn’t have mussel!
My moustache wanted to feel outdoorsy, so I took it camping and whiskery exploring. It hated not having any electrical outlets.
I caught my moustache giving itself a pep talk in the mirror. It said “You’re so fur-bulous, don’t let anyone dull your sparkle!”
My moustache loves watching documentaries on great figures in history. Its role model is Albert Whiskerstein.
I entered my moustache into a limbo competition, but it couldn’t squeeze under the stick. That bushel of fur ain’t bending for nothing!
My moustache wanted a spooky look for Halloween, so I helped it put in fangs. Now it’s ready to party all night long!
I caught my moustache trying on my makeup because it wanted to feel beautiful. That fur has some serious self-esteem issues!
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Hilarious Jokes on Moustache
Why did the mustache refuse to attend the party? It had a hair-appointments.
What did the detective say to the mustache at the crime scene? “We’ve got you hair-handed!”
How does a mustache stay in shape? It does a lot of must-ercise!
Did you hear about the mustache that became a comedian? It had people in stitches!
Why did the mustache go to the barbershop? It wanted to have a hair-raising experience.
What do you call a mustache that’s always in a hurry? A “whisker-dash!”
Why did the mustache bring a ladder to the bar? It heard the drinks were on the house!
How does a mustache apologize? It says, “I must-ache for forgiveness.”
What’s a mustache’s favorite type of music? “Must-ic” with a lot of “lip-sync.”
What do you call a mustache on a bicycle? A “handlebar” mustache!
Why did the mustache get into a fight with the beard? It just couldn’t “shave” it anymore.
What did one mustache say to the other mustache? “We really ‘mustache’ each other more often!”
What’s a mustache’s favorite dessert? Mustachio ice cream!
Why did the mustache bring a map to the party? It wanted to “mustache” for directions.
What do you call a mustache that’s feeling confident? A “musta-show!”
Why did the mustache apply for a job at the bakery? It wanted to “doughnut” worry about money.
What did the mustache say to the beard when it made a good point? “You’ve got me by a hair!”
How does a mustache travel? It “must-ache” for a ride!
What’s a mustache’s favorite type of pasta? “Spaghetti with a side of mustache-oli.”
Why did the mustache get a library card? It wanted to check out some “must-read” books.
Why did the mustache become a gardener? It wanted to “grow” a greener mustache.
What’s a mustache’s favorite exercise? “Moustrengthening.”
How does a mustache feel after a long day? It’s “whiskered” and tired!
Why did the mustache apply for a job as a judge? It wanted to bring some “facial justice.”
What’s a mustache’s favorite movie genre? “Moust-see” TV!
Why did the mustache get a part-time job at the perfume store? It wanted to work on its “fragrant-stache.”
What’s a mustache’s favorite place to relax? The “whisker-lax” lounge.
How did the mustache pass its driving test? It made sure to “must-ache” for directions!
What do you call a mustache that loves to dance? A “swing-stache”!
Why did the mustache start a band? It wanted to make some “musi-stache.”
What’s a mustache’s favorite sport? “Moust-erball”!
Why did the mustache bring a broom to the party? It wanted to “sweep” everyone off their feet.
What’s a mustache’s favorite game show? “Wheel of Facial Hair!”
How does a mustache stay organized? It uses a “whisker-list.”
What did the mustache say when it found a lost sock? “I must-ache whose sock this is!”
Why did the mustache bring a notebook to the comedy show? It wanted to take “moustache-tic” notes.
What’s a mustache’s favorite holiday? “Must-er Monday”!
How does a mustache greet someone? With a “whisker” of kindness.
What’s a mustache’s favorite type of weather? “Moust-ty” weather!
Why did the mustache become a teacher? It wanted to impart some “wisdom-stache.”
How does a mustache keep its cool? It stays “calm-bert.”
What did the mustache say when it won the lottery? “I’m ‘moustache’ you not to tell anyone!”
What’s a mustache’s favorite board game? “Moust-ermind.”
Why did the mustache get a passport? It wanted to travel the world and meet “moustachetinents.”
How does a mustache take its coffee? With a “whisker” of cream.
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What’s a mustache’s favorite song? “I Want to Hold Your ‘Hand’-lebar Mustache.”
Why did the mustache join a comedy improv group? It wanted to improve its “whisker-tainment” skills.
How does a mustache give a compliment? It says, “You’re looking ‘moustache-nificent’!”
What’s a mustache’s favorite type of art? “Moust-erpieces.”
Why did the mustache become a detective? It wanted to solve the case of the missing razors.
What’s a mustache’s favorite superhero? “Moust-erman”!
How does a mustache celebrate New Year’s Eve? With a “whisker drop”!
Why did the mustache go to the movie theater alone? It wanted to enjoy a “moustache-terpiece” in peace.
What’s a mustache’s favorite type of math? “Alge-moustache.”
How does a mustache write a love letter? With a lot of “lip service.”
What’s a mustache’s favorite planet? “Mars-tache”!
Why did the mustache start a podcast? It had a lot of “whisker-worthy” stories to share.
How does a mustache make decisions? It goes with its “gut-stache.”
What’s a mustache’s favorite subject in school? “Moustory” class!
Why did the mustache refuse to play hide and seek? It was afraid it would be too easy to “moust-find.”
What’s a mustache’s favorite dance move? The “moustache-ly shuffle.”
How does a mustache tell a secret? It “whispers” it quietly.
Why did the mustache become a gardener? It wanted to “mow-stache” the lawn.
What’s a mustache’s favorite type of shoe? “Moc-staches”!
How does a mustache solve problems? It uses its “moustache-tion” skills.
Why did the mustache become a chef? It wanted to whip up some “moustache-tic” meals.
What’s a mustache’s favorite book genre? “Mystery” novels!
How does a mustache stay humble? It knows it’s just a “hair” above the rest.
Why did the mustache become a lifeguard? It wanted to save lives while looking “moustache-nly.”
What’s a mustache’s favorite type of bird? The “moustache-io.”
How does a mustache tell a joke? It adds a “whisker” of humor.
Why did the mustache become a pilot? It wanted to “moust-fly” the skies!
Funny One Liners on Moustache
What do you call a moustache that grows on your upper lip? A must-ache.
What do you call a moustache that’s always on time? A punctual ‘stache.
What do you call a moustache that’s always up for a good time? A party ‘stache.
What do you call a moustache that’s always serious? A business ‘stache.
What do you call a moustache that’s always getting into trouble? A rogue ‘stache.
What’s the difference between a moustache and a good cup of coffee? A good cup of coffee doesn’t curl up at the ends.
What do you call a moustache that’s always getting lost? A directionally challenged ‘stache.
What do you call a moustache that’s always telling jokes? A comedic ‘stache.
What do you call a moustache that’s always arguing? A contrarian ‘stache.
What do you call a moustache that’s always complaining? A whiny ‘stache.
I asked my barber for a moustache that would make me look more manly. He gave me a handlebar moustache, but now I just look like a Walrus.
I’m trying to grow a moustache, but it’s coming in really patchy. I guess I’m just not mustache-ial.
I went to a costume party as a moustache. I didn’t win the prize for best costume, but I did win the prize for most uncomfortable.
I tried to grow a moustache once, but it was so itchy that I had to shave it off. I guess I’m just not cut out for the moustache life.
I’m not sure what’s worse: having a moustache that’s too thin, or having a moustache that’s too bushy. I guess it’s all about finding the perfect balance.
What’s the difference between a moustache and a bad joke? A moustache doesn’t make you groan.
What do you call a moustache that’s always stealing your food? A must-ache-ious thief.
What do you call a moustache that’s always getting into fights? A combative ‘stache.
What do you call a moustache that’s always talking about itself? A conceited ‘stache.
What do you call a moustache that’s always trying to pick you up? A flirtatious ‘stache.
I saw a guy with a moustache so long that it reached his knees. I asked him if he was growing it for Movember, and he said no, he’s just trying to start a new fashion trend.
I went to a moustache contest, but I was disqualified because my moustache wasn’t real. I guess I should have known that you can’t fake a good ‘stache.
I’m trying to grow a moustache, but it’s coming in really slowly. I guess I’m just a slow grower.
I saw a guy with a moustache so thin that it looked like he had drawn it on with a pencil. I asked him if he was serious about that moustache, and he said yeah, it’s his signature look.
I went to a restaurant and the waiter had a moustache so bushy that it covered his whole mouth. I asked him how he was supposed to eat, and he said he just slurps his food up through his moustache.
I’m not sure what’s more ridiculous: a moustache that’s too long, or a moustache that’s too short. I guess it’s all about finding the perfect length.
What’s the difference between a moustache and a good friend? A good friend won’t leave you hanging in the wind.
What do you call a moustache that’s always getting into trouble? A problematic ‘stache.
What do you call a moustache that’s always trying to impress people? A pretentious ‘stache.
What do you call a moustache that’s always getting into debt? A financially irresponsible ‘stache.
A moustache is like a handshake for your face.
What do you call a moustache that can’t make up its mind? A wishy-washy.
I’m not saying my moustache is magical, but it does make me look like a wizard.
My moustache is so bushy, it’s like a squirrel living on my face.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive: my moustache, or the fact that I can still eat soup with it.
My moustache is so thick, it’s like a furry little curtain for my mouth.
I’m starting to think my moustache is more popular than me.
I’m not sure what’s more annoying: my moustache, or the fact that I have to trim it every other day.
I’m starting to think my moustache is sentient. It always seems to be judging me.
I’m pretty sure my moustache is in a gang. It’s always getting into fights with my beard.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive: my moustache, or the fact that I can still kiss my girlfriend with it.
I’m starting to think my moustache is trying to steal my job. It’s always getting in the way of my mouth.
I’m not sure what’s more annoying: my moustache, or the fact that I have to eat soup with a fork now.
I’m starting to think my moustache is more popular than my girlfriend. She’s always jealous of it.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive: my moustache, or the fact that I can still drink beer with it.
I’m starting to think my moustache is trying to start a family. It’s always growing little baby moustaches.
I’m not sure what’s more annoying: my moustache, or the fact that I have to brush it twice a day now.
I’m starting to think my moustache is smarter than me. It’s always giving me advice.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive: my moustache, or the fact that I can still smile with it.
I’m starting to think my moustache is trying to escape. It’s always trying to grow down my throat.
I’m not sure what’s more annoying: my moustache, or the fact that I have to sleep with a CPAP machine now.
I’m starting to think my moustache is a supervillain. It’s always trying to take over my face.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive: my moustache, or the fact that I can still eat cereal with it.
I’m starting to think my moustache is trying to grow a beard. It’s always trying to grow hair on my cheeks.
I’m not sure what’s more annoying: my moustache, or the fact that I have to eat spaghetti with a knife and fork now.
I’m starting to think my moustache is my best friend. It’s always there for me.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive: my moustache, or the fact that I can still kiss my dog with it.
I’m starting to think my moustache is my soulmate. It’s the perfect other half to my face.
I’m not sure what’s more annoying: my moustache, or the fact that I have to eat ice cream with a spoon now.
I’m starting to think my moustache is my religion. I worship it.
I’m not sure what’s more impressive: my moustache, or the fact that I can still sing with it.
I’m starting to think my moustache is my savior. It’s always there to protect me from the elements.
I’m not sure what’s more annoying: my moustache, or the fact that I have to wear a bib when I eat now.
I’m starting to think my moustache is my destiny. It’s what I was born to do.