Nurses have one of the most demanding, yet rewarding jobs there is. They work long hours, deal with stressful situations, and have to maintain composure through it all. Given the challenges nurses face daily, it’s no wonder they appreciate a good laugh now and then! Funny nurse puns offer the perfect comic relief to get through tense times. Whether it’s a silly play-on-words or an inside joke about hospital happenings, humorous nurse puns remind us not to take life too seriously.
The next time you’re feeling down or just need a quick pick-me-up, try out one of these clever nurse puns specially tailored for nurses. With over 100 hilarious nurse puns and jokes options to choose from, you’re sure to find plenty that will tickle your funny bone. So grab your scrubs and stethoscope and get ready to have some wholesome laughs – nurse-style! Laughter really is the best medicine.
Hilarious Nurse Puns
I was going to tell a joke about hospital food, but it was tasteless.
I tried to sue the hospital after my appendicitis, but I didn’t have a strong case.
I broke my funny bone the other day. Luckily the nurse was able to patch me up and now the humerus healed!
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? “Some asshole’s got my pen!”
My nurse friend is dating an optometrist. I guess love is blind!
Nurse: Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room. Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him right now.
Nurse to surgeon: I think there’s trouble breathing in OR 1! Surgeon: Not a problem – we always breathe in OR 2.
Why do nurses prefer red crayons? In case they need to draw blood!
Nurse: I’m concerned about that bump on your head. Patient: Don’t worry, it’s easily healed!
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy who swallowed ten quarters? Nurse: No change yet!
Don’t trust atoms—they make up everything!
I told my nurse she was drawing blood from my wrong arm—she just shrugged and said, “It’s vein either way!”
Did you hear about the psychiatrist who was nursing a grudge?
What’s the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nurse only has to deal with one bedpan!
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? In case she needed to draw blood!
I asked my nurse if I could administer my own pain medication. They said no because I couldn’t handle the IV responsibilities.
Why are nurses so good at drawing blood? They have a lot of veins on their hands!
What do you call two surgeons fighting over a knife? A Surgical Strife!
Why did the nurse keep a red crayon in her pocket? For drawing blood!
I asked my nurse if I could give myself my IV medication. She said no because I don’t have enough training in veins.
Doctor: Nurse, how is my patient who thinks he’s a bell? Nurse: I’m afraid his condition is still ringing.
Nurse: The lab called with your blood test results. Me: Unless it’s ketchup, that’s not my blood.
Why do nurses prefer red pens? In case they need to draw blood!
What’s the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nurse only has to deal with one bedpan!
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
Did you hear about the psychiatrist vampire? He was a real bloodsucker!
What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? A first aid nurse!
Why do surgeons get to golf for free? Because they have great hip replacements!
Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don’t know the words!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can’t tuna fish!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink!
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it!
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
I tried to catch some fog earlier. Mist.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it!
Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? Because they’re two tired!
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck!
What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink!
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!
Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing but de brie.
What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!
Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? Because they’re two tired!
I heard the surgeon likes to operate to pop music. I guess you could say she’s a hip-hop-eration fan!
What do you call it when a doctor gets sick? A taste of their own med-icine!
Did you hear about the dentist who married the manicurist? They fight tooth and nail!
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they just arrrrr!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
Why do surgeons get to golf for free? Because they have great hip replacements!
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, “Wii!”
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months!
I went to the eye doctor to get my contacts checked. He said I had perfect 20/20 vision!
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!
I wanted to learn to drive a steamroller, but I never got around to it.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
What do you call a nosy pepper? Jalapeño business!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
Why do bees stay in their hive during the winter? Swarm.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison!
Why can’t Elsa have a balloon? Because she will Let It Go!
I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt though, it was a soft drink!
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowntain!
Hilarious Jokes on Nurse
Why did the nurse always carry a red pen? In case they needed to draw blood!
How do nurses stay calm in stressful situations? They have a lot of patients!
Why did the nurse bring a ladder to work? Because they wanted to check the patient’s temperature from a higher degree!
What do you call a nurse with an extra chromosome? A supernurse!
Why did the nurse bring a pencil to the hospital? In case they needed to draw blood type!
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? “Some butthead has my pen!”
Why did the nurse become a gardener? Because they have the best bedside manner!
Why did the nurse carry a red marker at all times? To draw blood!
What’s a nurse’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal – because they deal with a lot of IVs!
How do nurses communicate on the job? In pro-caffeination!
What did one nurse say to the other during a code blue? “Are you doing compressions or giving the patient a high-five?”
Why did the nurse always carry a bandage? Because they wanted to “heal” the world!
Why did the nurse bring a ladder to work? Because they heard the job had its ups and downs!
Why did the nurse bring a red marker to the operating room? To draw their patients in!
What’s a nurse’s favorite game? Operation!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it – just like a nurse on a night shift!
Why did the nurse go to art school? To learn how to draw blood!
Why do nurses make terrible baseball players? Because they always give away their position when they say, “Is there a doctor in the house?”
What’s a nurse’s favorite type of humor? Bedpan humor!
Why don’t nurses trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something!
Why was the nurse always calm? Because they had a lot of patients!
How do nurses stay cool under pressure? They have ice in their veins!
What did the nurse say when the patient asked for some water? “Nurse, I’m thirsty!” The nurse replied, “Hi, thirsty, I’m nurse.”
What’s a nurse’s favorite drink? ICU!
Why did the nurse always carry a pencil behind their ear? In case they needed to draw blood!
What did the nurse say to the patient who kept hitting the call button? “You must be pressing your luck!”
What’s a nurse’s favorite kind of footwear? Nurse Crocs – because they have the sole of a caregiver!
Why did the nurse become a gardener? Because they wanted to “grow” their skills!
What’s a nurse’s favorite TV show? “ER-satz”!
How do you make a nurse smile after a 12-hour shift? Tell them a joke!
Why don’t nurses ever play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when you’re the one they’re seeking!
What’s a nurse’s favorite type of math? Subtracting hours from their shift!
Why did the nurse always carry a notebook? To take notes in case of a “chart attack”!
How did the nurse get through the night shift? With a lot of “nurse-ing”!
What did the patient say when the nurse asked how they were feeling? “With my hands.”
Why did the nurse bring a ladder to work? Because they wanted to “raise” their spirits!
How do nurses stay positive? They have a great “bedside manner”!
What’s a nurse’s favorite game to play at work? Operation, of course!
Why did the nurse become a baker? Because they wanted to “knead” a change!
What do you call a nurse who fixes websites? A “URLologist”!
Why did the nurse bring a net to work? In case they had to “catch” a virus!
How do nurses stay warm in the hospital? They work in “bedside manner”!
Why did the nurse bring a pillow to the operating room? In case they needed to “rest” their patients!
What do you call a nurse who loves to travel? A “roaming” nurse!
How do you make a nurse laugh while taking their blood pressure? Tell them it’s “cuffing season”!
Why did the nurse become a DJ? Because they know how to “beat” any illness!
What’s a nurse’s favorite type of exercise? CPRobics!
Why did the nurse always have a deck of cards? In case they needed to “deal” with a tricky situation!
What did one nurse say to the other during a hectic shift? “This job is so ‘stetho-scope’!”
How do nurses greet each other at the hospital? “Is your IV line running or are you just happy to see me?”
Remember, humor can vary from person to person, so be sure to use these jokes in a light-hearted and respectful manner, especially in a healthcare setting.
Funny One Liners on Nurse
Why did the nurse cross the road? To get to the other patient.
What do you call a nurse who can’t stand? A patient.
Why did the nurse get fired from the morgue? She kept giving the patients the wrong body parts.
What do you call a nurse who’s always late? A procrastinator.
Why did the nurse quit her job at the zoo? She couldn’t handle the chimpanzees.
What do you call a nurse who’s always tired? A workaholic.
Why did the nurse get a tattoo of a stethoscope? She wanted to be in touch with her feelings.
What do you call a nurse who’s always complaining? A whiner.
Why did the nurse get a pet cat? She wanted someone to take care of her.
What do you call a nurse who’s always laughing? A happy camper.
Why did the nurse get a job at the circus? She wanted to work with clowns.
What do you call a nurse who’s always getting lost? A directionally challenged nurse.
Why did the nurse get a job at the library? She wanted to read all the books.
What do you call a nurse who’s always late? A procrastinator.
Why did the nurse get a job at the bank? She wanted to count her blessings.
What do you call a nurse who’s always tired? A workaholic.
Why did the nurse get a pet dog? She wanted someone to play fetch with her.
What do you call a nurse who’s always complaining? A whiner.
Why did the nurse get a job at the amusement park? She wanted to have fun.
What do you call a nurse who’s always laughing? A happy camper.
What do you call a nurse who’s always on time? A punctual person.
Why did the nurse get a pet rabbit? She wanted a furry friend who would hop to it.
What do you call a nurse who’s always reliable? A trustworthy person.
Why did the nurse get a pet monkey? She wanted a funny friend who would always make her laugh.
What do you call a nurse who’s always patient? A saint.
Why did the nurse get a pet pig? She wanted a friend who would always root for her.
What do you call a nurse who’s always organized? A neat freak.
Why did the nurse get a pet horse? She wanted a majestic friend who would take her places.
What do you call a nurse who’s always positive? An optimist.
Why did the nurse get a pet lion? She wanted a powerful friend who would protect her.
What do you call a nurse who’s always laughing? A giggler.
Why did the nurse get a pet giraffe? She wanted a friend who would always see her point of view.
What do you call a nurse who’s always helping others? A kind soul.
Why did the nurse get a pet elephant? She wanted a friend who would always be there for her.
What do you call a nurse who’s always calm under pressure? A cool customer.
Why did the nurse get a pet tiger? She wanted a friend who would always be fierce in her defense.
What do you call a nurse who’s always on time? A punctual person.
Why did the nurse get a pet panda? She wanted a friend who would always be calm and collected.
What do you call a nurse who’s always reliable? A trustworthy person.
Why did the nurse get a pet koala? She wanted a friend who would always be cuddly and sweet.
What do you call a nurse who’s always patient? A saint.