Onions may bring tears to your eyes when you chop them, but they also bring laughter when used cleverly in puns. Onion puns utilize the many possibilities of the onion as a metaphor to craft jokes around layers, crying, onions’ pungent flavor, and the act of chopping onions. With their improvisational spirit, onion puns cut through the seriousness of life and reveal the inherent comedy in this humble vegetable.
A skilled punster can come up with clever quips incorporating onions that reference pop culture, current events, famous people, and more. Though groan-inducing at times, the best onion puns artfully play on the layered nature of language itself. In the hands of a pun master, the oft-overlooked onion becomes comedic gold. This humble veggie stimulates both laughter and tears, bringing a little lightheartedness to any situation.
Funny Onion Puns
What do you call an onion that makes you cry? A tearjerker!
Why did the onion get a raise at his job? He was such a good layer.
What do you call an onion that wears glasses? A shallot!
How does an onion write? With a pen and a papery!
Why did the onion have so many layers? He just couldn’t stop peeling himself!
What do you call an onion that’s also a thief? A sticky fingered pickpocket!
Why are onions such good dancers? They have lot of layers to their moves!
What do you call an onion that works on Wall Street? A stock broker!
How does an onion stay in shape? By doing crunches!
Why was the onion late to work? He got stuck in traffic and started to cry!
What do you call an onion that lives in the Arctic? An eskimeleon!
Why do onions make good detectives? They always get to the root of the problem!
What do you call an onion that’s been knighted? Sir Prise!
Why don’t onions play tennis? They don’t want to get smashed!
What do you call an onion that works at a carnival? A caramelized onion!
Why was the onion so popular at the party? He had a lot of layers to his personality!
What do you call an onion that does magic tricks? An abracadabra-cado!
Why did the onion cross the road? To get to the chopping block on the other side!
What do you call an onion that sings soul music? R&B-union!
Why don’t onions ever win at hide and seek? They’re bad hiders!
What do you call an onion that’s been cut into slices? A separated onion!
Why did the onions leave the salad? There was too much drama in the dressing!
What do you call an onion that works on a ship? A sailor!
Why are onions such good gardeners? They know how to layer the soil!
What do you call an onion that lives in the jungle? Tarzanchovy!
Why do onions make you cry? They just want to see an emotional reaction!
What do you call an onion that’s been fried? Chipotle!
Why are onions so motivated? They have many layers to achieve!
What do you call an onion that works at the movie theater? A cinema-tographer!
Why did the onions win the baseball game? Their chops were too good!
What do you call an onion who is a fan of Shakespeare? The Bard of Avonlea!
Why did the onion refuse dessert? He was already stuffed!
What do you call an onion who is a fan of mystery novels? Sherlock Holm-ade!
How does an onion write a letter? Onion skin paper!
Why do onions make good spies? Nobody expects them to spill the beans!
What do you call an onion who loves algorithms? A computational shallot!
Why did the onions get in trouble at school? They were caught passing notes!
What do you call an onion who loves boxing? Muhamonion Ali!
How do onions communicate? Through onion skin paper air mail!
Why don’t onions make good baseball players? They’re afraid of the chop!
What do you call an onion who loves music? A melodi-onion!
Why did the onions start a band? They wanted to spice things up!
What do you call an onion from France? Monsieur Poireau!
Why are onions bad at keeping secrets? They’re prone to leeks!
What happens when onions go bowling? They end up in the gutter!
Why don’t onions ever pay their taxes on time? They always file for an extension!
What did the onion say when he lost the race? “I’m simply outleeked!”
Why do onions make good vampires? They love to sink their fangs in!
What do you call an onion who loves art? Pablo Picas-so!
Why was the onion fired from his job? Lack of motivation and drive!
What happens when an onion gets famous? It goes to Hollywhite!
Why don’t onions trust each other? There’s too much backstabbing!
What do you call an onion from the 90s? A grunge onion!
Hilarious Jokes on Onion
“Onion announces new dating app: Tearinder, where finding a match makes you cry tears of joy (and maybe a few onion-induced tears).”
“Scientists baffled as onions worldwide demand to be served on the side, claiming they’re tired of getting mixed up in people’s problems.”
“Onion wins award for best supporting role in a salad, despite its tendency to bring everyone to tears.”
“Local onion starts therapy after being repeatedly called ‘layered’ instead of ‘complex.'”
“Breaking news: Onion elected mayor of small town; promises to peel back the layers of bureaucracy.”
“Onion runs for president, promises to make the country cry again.”
“Area man insists his extensive onion-cutting experience qualifies him for a position in the CIA.”
“Onion reveals its secret to staying cool under pressure: sunglasses and a good poker face.”
“New study finds that cutting onions is the only workout some people get; gym memberships plummet.”
“Onion launches autobiography titled ‘Tales from the Tearful Side: A Life Unpeeled.'”
“Onion arrested for public indecency; claims it was just trying to express itself in layers.”
“Local onion becomes a motivational speaker, inspiring others to embrace their inner layers.”
“Onion starts a podcast about conspiracy theories, with episodes like ‘Crop Circles: The Work of Shallots?'”
“Onion wins the lottery; decides to spend it all on tissues for the emotional aftermath.”
“Breaking news: Onion reveals it’s been the true source of all leaks in government secrets.”
“Onion joins a rock band; critics say it really knows how to bring the tears to the audience.”
“Onion enrolls in a self-defense class, determined to stop being sliced and diced without a fight.”
“Local onion becomes a stand-up comedian, claiming its humor is so sharp, it’ll make you cry.”
“Onion hosts a talk show, interviewing other vegetables about their experiences in the crisper drawer.”
“Onion starts a fashion line, specializing in tear-resistant clothing for emotional occasions.”
“Onion takes up yoga, mastering the art of the downward dog without shedding a tear.”
“Area man hires an onion as his therapist, claiming it always makes him cry but never interrupts.”
“Onion becomes a marriage counselor, advising couples to peel away their issues one layer at a time.”
“Onion launches a fragrance line, with scents like ‘Eau de Tears’ and ‘Aroma of Regret.'”
“Breaking news: Onion elected the official vegetable of emotional breakthroughs.”
“Onion becomes a life coach, teaching clients how to handle setbacks without turning into a sobbing mess.”
“Local onion tries stand-up comedy; audience in tears—literally.”
“Onion reveals it’s writing a self-help book titled ‘The Power of Layers: Unleashing Your Inner Sob.'”
“Onion enters the film industry, starring in the blockbuster hit ‘The Crying Game: A Peel-Good Story.'”
“Onion forms a support group for vegetables suffering from identity crises; carrot admits it has a fear of commitment.”
“Onion starts a detective agency, solving crimes by bringing everyone involved to tears with its cutting interrogations.”
“Breaking news: Onion claims it holds the key to unlocking the mysteries of the universe, but only if you cry first.”
“Onion attempts stand-up comedy, jokes so good they bring the audience to peals of laughter and tears.”
“Onion hired as a motivational speaker, encouraging people to embrace their layers and not be afraid to shed a few tears.”
“Area man attempts to break world record for most consecutive onion-chopping sessions; neighbors recommend therapy.”
“Onion invents a new dance called the ‘Salsa,’ promising to make you cry tears of joy and maybe a little bit of spice.”
“Onion takes up painting, claiming its artwork is so moving that even canvas sheds a tear.”
“Local onion starts a therapy group for vegetables with emotional baggage; cauliflower admits to having commitment issues.”
“Onion reveals it’s writing a cookbook titled ‘The Art of Emotional Cooking: Recipes to Make You Cry and Crave More.'”
“Onion becomes a life coach, teaching clients how to navigate the layers of their emotions without shedding too many tears.”
“Breaking news: Onion elected as the official spokesperson for waterproof mascara.”
“Onion tries stand-up comedy; audience laughs so hard, they cry onion-scented tears.”
“Onion starts a blog on emotional intelligence, claiming to be the guru of tearful enlightenment.”
“Local onion takes up meditation, achieving a state of inner peace that leaves it surprisingly tear-free.”
“Onion becomes a therapist, helping people peel away the layers of their issues and shed emotional tears.”
“Onion joins a circus as the star of the ‘Cry-acle,’ where audiences are guaranteed a good sob.”
“Onion opens a bakery, specializing in pastries that bring customers to tears of delight.”
“Area man hires an onion as a life coach, claiming its tough love approach really cuts to the core of the issues.”
“Onion forms a support group for vegetables with emotional baggage; broccoli admits to having a fear of commitment.”
“Onion starts a podcast about its favorite tear-jerking movies, with episodes like ‘Titanic: The Sinking Onion.'”
Funny One Liners on Onion
What do you call an onion that’s always telling jokes? A punny onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always on time? A punctual onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always in a hurry? A rushed onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always getting into trouble? A mischievous onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always getting into fights? A pugilistic onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to lose weight? A dieter onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to get ahead? An ambitious onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be the center of attention? A showboating onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be funny? A corny onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to impress others? A pretentious onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to get a date? A flirty onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to get rich? A greedy onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be popular? A trendy onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be different? A unique onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be the best? A competitive onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be perfect? A perfectionist onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be helpful? A kind onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be polite? A well-mannered onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be smart? A wise onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be brave? A courageous onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be funny, but always fails? A punstoppable onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be helpful, but always makes things worse? A klutzy onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be polite, but always comes off as rude? A tactless onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be smart, but always says stupid things? A dim-witted onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be brave, but always runs away from danger? A cowardly onion.
What’s the difference between an onion and a ninja? An onion can make you cry, but a ninja can make you die.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be a comedian? A stand-up onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be a politician? A lying onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be a doctor? A healing onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be a lawyer? A suing onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be a teacher? A lecturing onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be a cop? A busting onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be a fireman? A hosing onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be a construction worker? A hammering onion.
What do you call an onion that’s always trying to be a janitor? A sweeping onion.
What’s the difference between an onion and a trampoline? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.
What’s the difference between an onion and a bad date? An onion will eventually make you cry, but a bad date will make you cry right away.
Why did the onion cross the road? To get to the other side… and make you cry.
What’s the difference between an onion and a baby? You can stop chopping an onion.